change-life

We’re finally in the final month of 2020. What a ride it has been. Before we get into the usual posts about how to better ourselves. I thought it be best to reflect on the journey so far. Today we’ll be hearing from a reader who has gone through an inspiring journey of self-development. He is currently working on his graphic design goals but this was not always the case. This interview focuses on a critical point in his life where he made the decision to quit university.

What was the critical moment that led to leaving university for the first time?

‘’I left university primarily because of my mental health. I would later realize I was not on the right course for me, but the burning issue was my health. I’d been dealing with on and off depression for at least a decade and it started spiking as I approached my 20th birthday. I just felt incredibly hopeless, wasn’t happy and thought I never would be. To be honest, I didn’t see any reality where I would make it to 25.

I was already in therapy at this point but was still on my downward trajectory. The week after I turned 20 was when I finally hit rock bottom. I thought that dropping out was effectively a death sentence, but I realised that I needed to do this. There needed to be a change or else things wouldn’t have ended well, especially with the high levels of stress I was exposed to. I went home for Christmas in second year and didn’t go back’’

How did you initially spend your time upon leaving?

‘’ I initially spent my time doing nothing and I feel like this was a really important step. I think of it like this: if you were in a car crash and broke most of the bones in your body you would need to be bed-bound for a considerable period. Then comes the rehab process. Re-learning how to walk, and gradually allowing your body to adapt to physical stress till full strength was restored. I didn’t realise it then, but this was essentially my approach.

I had far too many responsibilities and stressors in my life before dropping out. As a result, I decided that if I were to have any chance to recover, I would need to return to a baseline of zero. I had little motivation to do anything. I’d just sustained a bad back injury so couldn’t train properly. This further compounded my worries further taking me into a negative spiral.

With all responsibilities given a blank slate, I felt, for the first time, excitement for the future. I felt like I could be anything, whether that was nothing or everything didn’t matter. At last, I was finally starting to let go of my perceived expectations others held for me. I was slowly freeing myself. This did not happen instantly but slowly started to set in over the first few months.

I thought I’d give myself loads of time to indulge in watching TV, playing video games but surprisingly I felt no urge to. I used to play video games obsessively when I was a child. So, initially I looked forward to the opportunity to return to those habits, but the urge never crept in. I tried loading a videogame but quit immediately and haven’t played a second since then. I think this was when I realised there might be some excitement about my future, and I knew that old habits wouldn’t get me there. Again, this was a slow process’’

What inspired you to start chasing your graphic design goals again?

‘’With most of the things that I really enjoy pursuing in my life, they came about independently of school. I learnt how to do them myself by spending hours on YouTube. I had stumbled across an account called “The Futur” when I was 17. It was all about “the business of design, and the design of business” it was a world leading branding studio that worked with incredible clients. Now, they’ve turned their focus to educating the next generation of graphic designers, equipping them with both the design and business skills to freelance and make a career from graphic design.

I found the idea intoxicating. I thought I still wanted to be an architect and so I shelved the idea in my head. When I applied for university (the first time) a part of me hoped I would get rejected so that I could take a gap year and pursue this idea. By quitting, I now had the time to pursue any ideas I wanted. I started finding a fascination for design. Typography, forms, proportion, brand strategy. Soon after, I bought books on all of these and got studying.

I also had an interest in mixology and had just started a bar job to give me some structure and to learn the craft. At the same time, I had been playing around with design as well, so I decided to reach out to a few clients. I reached out to a content creator I’d been following for years after I heard him complain about how ‘annoying’ designers can be on a podcast. I had been to a pretentious architecture school, I’d seen how stuck up they can be. This content creator and I shared a love for lifting and I knew I could provide some value. He saw my message and we worked together. The confidence boost this gave was immeasurable. No degree, no nepotism, just a well-placed message and confidence landed by a “dream client” off the bat. From here, I was hooked.’’

What would you say your biggest takeaway from this journey was?

My biggest take away is to really listen to yourself. I discussed with my therapist recently the reasons as to why I’m doing so well mentally right now compared to the previous decade of my life. I realised that for the first time I felt intrinsic validation. It came from within. I didn’t need to seek it from others. I used to, and this spiral of trying to guess what people think of you and bending to please them is a recipe for disaster. Not only because you have only one life and should live it on your terms, but the people you crave validation from most likely don’t think of you. You should always be the most important person in your life. Look after yourself, and do what you want to do.

Any tip to anyone on the fence about making a big life change

I would say it’s genuinely never too late to start. Give yourself a year. If you have an idea, a project you want to consider, a new trajectory for your career/ life you need to try to pursue that. Work on it tirelessly for year before giving up. Doing something you don’t want to do will always be an option. If you’re worried about starting “late” it’s probably because you’re thinking about how it may look. Don’t do that (recipe for disaster). Back yourself and try, as cliché as it sounds you’ve only got one life so you should try to make it as fulfilling as possible for yourself. It took me nearly throwing away my life to realise that but I’m glad I went through that. However, I’m grateful because if I didn’t take that chance, then I wouldn’t be here now.