Low Mood And The Obsession With Happiness: A Toxic Relationship
For the past week, I’ve been meaning to get some things off my chest. I’ve been having a low mood. Probably the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. This isn’t something I often admit to myself. I don’t think I’ve ever said this out loud and truly meant it.
I see it as admitting defeat. I’m supposed to be the happy one who has it all together, yet here I am crumbling. I’d try to focus on the most basic of tasks. Putting on a fake smile just to fool myself into thinking that I’m okay.
It never works, I’d often crawl back into bed a few minutes later, hiding away the world. It’ll be better tomorrow. I just need some rest. The next day comes and I try to be happy again putting on a fake smile. The cycle just endlessly repeats itself.
Today, I ask myself. Why are we so obsessed with being happy all the time? Could this be the reason why I’ve been having a low mood for a while? Do I need to be happy all the time?
Table of Contents
The need to avoid having low mood
It has taken me a few days of consistent reflection but I have noticed something about myself. Whenever there is a triggering event in my life, I would be extremely sad initially. I mean to the point of being unable to leave the house, constant negative talk.
However, I’d bounce back relatively quickly. In a couple of days as a matter of fact. Friends and family would simply think I was emotionally mature and could process these events quicker. However, now I understand that it was the opposite.
Avoiding being a burden by putting on my mask
Do you know what I dislike more than feeling low? Others realising that I’m feeling low and the words of sympathy and consolation that would come afterwards. Now on top of feeling low, I then have the added guilt of making others taking care of me in that state. It makes me feel extremely uncomfortable. So, how do I avoid this? I put on my ‘I’m fine’ mask, and it is exhausting to maintain.
How are you doing? I’m fine. A lie. I feel terrible, drained and exhausted. What did you do this weekend? Not much, just hung out with some friends. Another lie. I laid in bed drifting in and out of sleep waiting for the day to end. What are you going to do next? I’m optimistic for what comes next. Lies again. I’m terrified and feel like my life has no direction.
But why do I choose to lie over and over again? Simple, because in some twisted way, it’s what is comfortable. I know that if I lie, most people would believe me and the conversation would flow as normal. No extra guilt, no uncomfortable facial expressions of friends trying to help.
Discomfort with negative feelings
As a society, we’re drawn towards positivity and tend to sweep negativity under the rug. I’m sure I’m not the only one with a mask. We all have one and use it to some extent. I believe the reason why is because we don’t know how to handle a low mood. After all we were brought up to avoid negativity.
Our idea of comfort in harsh times is based on blind optimism towards the future rather than tough introspection towards the past. We’re desperate to find out how to feel better rather than finding the deep cause our misery. It’s easy to say, ‘I’m just going to work harder so I can earn more, then I’ll definitely be happy’.
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It’s difficult to say ‘I only want to earn money so I can earn the validation I desperately crave from my parents’. We’ve become so uncomfortable with having negative feelings and are always striving to be happy. I’m honestly beginning to believe that this is the root of the problem.
The toxicity of chasing happiness
It feels good to be happy, don’t get me wrong. The feeling of joy when you’ve just got a promotion at work, or just had a first kiss with a partner. It’s a wonderful experience.
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However, I don’t think that’s what life should be all about. They say too much of any one thing becomes toxic and I believe that to be the case in this situation. As humans, we’ve been blessed with being able to experience a wide range of emotions. Sadness, jealousy, fear, happiness, excitement.
To feel all of this is to be human. I look to the most fulfilling things in my life right now, my lifting hobby and PhD, this blog. There have been countless times where I’ve been frustrated to the point of almost quitting.
Every time I get injured in the gym, I’m furious at my body, asking myself why I put myself through it. Each time, I have to present my research, I fear people thinking the worst of it. Every time I make a blog post, I’m ashamed of all the negative thoughts I put to paper.
However, there is so much beauty on the other side. Every time I beat my personal weight record, I’m filled with pride at my accomplishments. Each presentation I deliver, I’m glad that I get to talk about the subject that I love. Each post I make, I’m grateful to learn that I’m not alone and we’re all just trying to make life work.
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It’s okay to have a low mood at times
I believe that the goal of happiness, that so many take on in life, is so hurtful towards our personal development. We don’t need to be happy all the time. It’s okay to have a low mood. To feel like life isn’t fair. It’s okay to have regrets.
These experiences shape us into who we are today. I can 100% guarantee that without my life struggles, I would not be here sharing my story. So, here I am. I’ve been struggling, I’m feeling lost and yet I’m grateful. I don’t know yet what will come from this life experience but I know it’s yet another building block that is being carved. I’m taking the mask off.
Have you had this kind of experience before? What’s your opinion on chasing happiness constantly? Let me know in the comments below, I’m curious. If you enjoyed reading, then do share this with your friends and family.
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