Why emotional growth is the key to a successful life

Emotional growth seems to be a hot topic these days. Let’s face it, there have been times in our lives where we really could have used it. Those experiences where we showed the emotional maturity of a toddler. Throwing unnecessary tantrums when we don’t get our way. Behaving like the world revolves around us. It’s okay. We’re human. We’re not perfect and we were not born to be. 

Spoiler warning. You’ll never be able to completely override your emotions. In a battle between you and millions of years of evolution, I’d back evolution every single time. Don’t get depressed though. Just because we can never reach perfection doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to get better wherever we can. We should always strive to be more emotionally mature. It has countless benefits towards our daily lives. Our relationships. Jobs. Studies. Growing emotionally is hands down one of the best ways to succeed in these areas of life. Today, we’re going to learn how to go through life without being a slave to our emotions. Here are my 4 tips that will allow you to achieve emotional growth. 

1) Be Accountable And Take Ownership 

It’s not my fault. The number of times I have heard people cry this out in moments of distress is uncountable. See, as humans we have a very bad habit of making things all about ourselves. The only time we conveniently forget this habit is when a situation arises where someone can be blamed. Then, in an instant we remove all focus from ourselves and blame every other person but ourselves. A classic sign that we need to embark on a journey of emotional growth.

 Why did my healthy relationship fail? It was because of my partner obviously. She did X. She said Y. It’s all her fault. Now, we’ve all had thoughts like this. We think we’re God’s gift to the Earth so how can we mess anything up? But let me challenge your thinking for a moment. 

How did YOU contribute to the end of the relationship? It’s a hard question to answer, and it takes quite a bit of time and reflection. Did you communicate your needs clearly to your partner? How were you treating your partner in the months leading up to the breakup? Did you listen to him/her when they voiced their concerns? Don’t just immediately answer yes. Take a moment. Really sit down, breathe and think about it. Chances are you may not have been the best partner.

Now, this doesn’t excuse bad behaviour from your partner. They have their own issues and their own path to growth. But this is out of our control. What we need to focus on is what we can work on ourselves. You may have messed up here and there.  You will need to put your ego aside. Learn how to battle your ego in this blog post.

This is why your ego is getting in the way of your personal growth – The Beauty In Being Insignificant

So what do you do? You’ve identified your faults. What next? Do you just sit there feeling bad about yourself? No. This is where you take ownership and see what needs to change. I was needy in my relationship; therefore, I need to work on being more independent and confident in myself. I was neglectful of my partners’ needs; therefore, I need to more compassionate and become a better listener. You identify a flaw in yourself, take ownership of it, and then work towards becoming a better version of yourself. It’s easy to fall into hate. To place all responsibility in your partner’s hands. Put the focus back on you. Control what you can and focus on your personal journey.

2) Set healthy boundaries is key for emotional growth – know when to say no 

Society nowadays is full of people pleasers. We’re so eager to get validation from others. It’s super addictive. What usually happens in this case is that you have an individual who goes above and beyond for everyone else’s needs but then neglects their own. Can you help me move tomorrow? Be right there. Can you come into work tomorrow? Be right there. Can I have your kidney? Sure, take it. I’ve been like this before. On the outside, I was as happy and confident as can be. However, I was so close to breaking on the inside. The world seemed like it was too much. Things were constantly happening to me, and I felt trapped.  

Let’s apply tip 1 here. Things were not ‘happening to me’. I was doing it to myself. No one was forcing me to do all these extra activities. I made a choice. It was when I realised this obvious fact that I was able to start using tip 2. I started setting boundaries with people. Now, when I organise my week, I have my non-negotiables. I need to get 7-8 hours of sleep every day. Exercise is a priority which takes up 2 hour time slots. Study time gets its own space. Once all these are in place, then I can start making plans. If I have no time, I just say no. These three words are the secret to emotional growth.

 It’s that simple. No weird trick to it. I simply let whoever it is know that their plans don’t work with my schedule. If they can’t accept that and keep demanding my time, then that’s a sign of disrespect. In last week’s post I talked about filtering negative people out of our lives.

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Our time on this planet is too short to be stressed all the time. We already must deal with so much stress that is out of our control. Get rid of those within your control. 

3) Stop Comparing – your journey of emotional growth is yours alone

Envy. Such an unpleasant emotion that we’re all cursed with. We see someone with something that looks shiny. We want it. It’s the caveman part of our brain trying to stay relevant. Social media makes this problem x10 worse. Now, we’re bombarded with images of ‘the best life’. People taking expensive holidays. Falling in love. Making money. Another challenge for you. Turn the focus back to you.  

What other people are doing with their life is none of your business. It’s, also, completely out of your control. Stop comparing your progress in life to others. You make think that it’s a harmless act, but it does so much damage. With comparison, comes expectations. I must make X amount of money by the time I’m 30 or else I’m a failure. I need to be married by a certain age or that means I’m loveable. Slowly and surely, you begin to start creating negative assumptions about yourself. The truth is that you’re probably looking a biased view of that person’s life. That millionaire you see on Instagram, coud be incredibly lonely. That couple that’s always posting selfies, may actually hate each other. We don’t know and we never will. So once again. Put the attention back to yourself.  This is how you kickstart your emotional growth.

The beauty in life is that every single person has a unique set of experiences. There is literally no one like you on this planet. It’s statistically impossible to find someone who looks like you, acts like you, has the same goals, etc. You are you. Take ownership of that. Live the life you want and don’t let anyone try to convince you that your path is wrong. 

4) Ask for help – being vulnerable 

I believe that one of the greatest slogans to come out of 2020 is ‘It’s okay to not be okay’. I truly believe that so many of us are hiding our true selves underneath a mask, not revealing how we feel on the inside. For what? To look good on social media? To avoid judgement from friends? I am here to tell you, that all those negative emotions you’re burying are slowly going to make you rot from the inside out. I’ve been there. Read my experiences on wearing a ‘mask’ to the world to hide my struggles. 

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There is no prize for who struggles the most in life. There is nothing to gain by carrying that burden in your shoulder. It’s difficult but you need to let it go and be vulnerable. To be truly vulnerable with another person is a beautiful yet terrifying experience. You’re essentially giving them your heart along with a knife whilst asking them not to viciously stab it.  

A great example of this is within relationships. Everyone has insecurities. A crooked nose. A fear of rejection. Jealousy issues. When these insecurities are triggered, it’s instinct to lash out. To become defensive at someone who may not have had any knowledge of these insecurities. Emotional growth is communicating these issues. Sitting your partner down, explaining the root cause of your insecurities. I was cheated on in a previous relationship, so I am afraid to get hurt again. I was bullied in school for this feature so I would appreciate you not making jokes about it. That’s vulnerability right there. Being straightforward and honest. 

To be fully accepted, vulnerabilities and all is the greatest gift you will ever receive. It takes a massive leap of faith to trust, but the result is truly worth it. 

Which tips did you find the most helpful in achieving emotional growth? Let me know in the comments below. Enjoy the rest of your week!