How to calm down a perfectionist

Do you have someone in your life who seems exceptionally talented but struggles with getting things done? They’re always waiting for the right time or for things to fall into place. Well, those people might actually be perfectionists, and trust me it isn’t a walk in the park. Being a perfectionist can sometimes mean crippling anxiety when it comes to pursuing a new life project. So how can you help these people out? Here are 5 ways to calm down a perfectionist when they get overwhelmed. 

Careful with the criticism 

This tip applies to every perfectionist in your life, but it is particularly important for children. My earliest memories of perfectionism started right after I was scolded by a teacher for making a mistake during an assignment.  

I fully remember how small and insignificant I felt, and from that moment I started overthinking every assignment. Filled with anxious thoughts of being reprimanded, I would stay up into the early hours of the morning working on projects that were essentially done.

Even to this day, I struggle to receive negative feedback about my work and it still triggers my perfectionist tendencies. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying don’t criticize at all. My point is that to calm down a perfectionist, make sure that the feedback is as constructive as possible. 

Praise the progress

Another way to help is by acknowledging their progress. Perfectionists tend to have an all-or-nothing approach to life. We see things in a very binary way. It’s either perfect, fantastic, excellent or it’s garbage and belongs in the trash. 

By praising the little steps that perfectionists take, you’re going to start to reprogram their way of thinking. It’ll start to click that chasing progress is so much better for long-term results than chasing perfection. 

I have to give credit to my current supervisor who does a fantastic job at doing this. They ensure that I’m not being coddled, but make it a point to let me know that I’m making forward progress on my projects. As a perfectionist, it’s the most soothing thing to receive. 

Here’s a useful article that expands on choosing progress over perfection!

Deliver the deadlines 

A more direct approach would be to give them deadlines. Now, this tip will produce different results based on the person so use it at your discretion. As I mentioned earlier, we perfectionists take forever to get things done. Giving us a deadline forces us to let go of projects before we reach the stage of perfectionism-induced anxiety. 

However, there is the possibility that enforcing a deadline might cause the perfectionist to shut down even more due to the fear of not meeting it. The key here is to give extremely realistic deadlines, where there is no doubt in either of your minds that the task can be completed within the timeframe. Doing this will help calm down the perfectionist, whilst spurring them into action. 

Talk out their terrors

If you don’t want an extremely active approach, you can always just listen. So many of the perfectionists that I have spoken to often have a story of a moment in life where their self-worth became tied to their performance.  

We have that fear of failure. We don’t want to let others down. All that we want to do is keep everyone around us happy, and the only way that we think to do that is by being perfect 100% of the time. It’s very illogical, I know, but that’s how we see the world. 

Simply talking to them and assuring them that their mistakes are not going to drive you away from them will do wonders in calming them down. 

Here are some more useful article for you!

Perfection is an illusion: There will never be a right time to start.

Is Failure A Part Of Success?

Push them to see a professional

Now, I do understand that it’s not your job to keep the perfectionist calm all the time. That’s too much pressure to put on anybody’s shoulders. So, if they are willing and open to it, you can recommend that they go see a professional to work through their issues.  

Here are some resources if you need them:

Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal

How to find a therapist | Mind, the mental health charity

Conclusion

As a perfectionist myself, I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to read this article. To have someone like you who is willing to learn more about why we are the way we are is extremely comforting in itself. Do try these 5 tips out and let me know in the comments how they work for you! 

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