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Ego is a powerful thing. It often acts like a backseat driver to a lot of the decisions we make. Once we perceive a threat to our ego, justified or not, our emotions hijack the show. All ability to rationalise goes out the window and we revert to our caveman days. This happens to me all the time. I’d say that I’m a logical person. At heart, I love solving problems so I’m generally good at advising people. Following that advice when the exact situation applies to me is a completely different story. I allow my ego and emotions to get in the way at critical decision moments. It has happened to me so many times that I’ve lost count. Every single time, I’ve looked back and identified the exact moment where if I had taken a different path, I might have had a more positive outcome. So, I’m going to share my experiences in these situations, analyzing how to avoid the same pitfalls in the future.

It’s difficult. I have to say letting go is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. Leaving a toxic friendship. Quitting an unfulfilling job. Saying goodbye to a former version of yourself. Theoretically,  we know that we’d be better off once we’re set free. However, it’s terrifying to take to leap. As usual, I find myself trying to figure out my thoughts. What is holding me back? Why won’t I set myself free? Will I ever take the leap? 

Here we are again, back in lockdown for the second time. Locked away from the outside world, but also locked in with our thoughts. Sounds like the best time to start to own your goals for the future.

I’ve heard friends begin to think about their lockdown goals. I want to learn to bake. To lose 5kg. I want to learn to draw. Don’t get me wrong, I have no problems with goal setting. In fact, I think it’s important to have an endpoint to work towards.

However, I believe a lot of people, including myself, focus on what life will be like once they reach the goal rather than the steps needed to achieve this goal. Today, I’ll be talking about a concept that you own your goals, ‘Tiny Steps’. It has transformed the way I approach goal setting forever.

For the past week, I’ve been meaning to get some things off my chest. I’ve been having a low mood. Probably the lowest I’ve felt in a long time. This isn’t something I often admit to myself. I don’t think I’ve ever said this out loud and truly meant it.

I see it as admitting defeat. I’m supposed to be the happy one who has it all together, yet here I am crumbling. I’d try to focus on the most basic of tasks. Putting on a fake smile just to fool myself into thinking that I’m okay.

It never works, I’d often crawl back into bed a few minutes later, hiding away the world. It’ll be better tomorrow. I just need some rest. The next day comes and I try to be happy again putting on a fake smile. The cycle just endlessly repeats itself.

Today, I ask myself. Why are we so obsessed with being happy all the time? Could this be the reason why I’ve been having a low mood for a while? Do I need to be happy all the time?

I’ve always loved the way, stars and galaxies were portrayed on television. The incredible images I saw never failed to blow my mind. How could something so mysterious yet beautiful exist?

Filled with wonder, I’d imagine what life was like on these other worlds, millions of kilometres away. In the deep corners of my heart, I knew I’d eventually get a telescope, but I never thought I’d use it in the quest to find myself. Now, I could face insignificance in a way that has always been of interest to me. I’d be able to feel small in comparison to the universe and hopefully, my problems would do the same.

My personal development journey was about to begin. I’d already imagined the perfect evening. It involved me sitting on my rooftop, telescope set up to look onto the amazing night sky, contemplating my identity and life’s problems philosophically. With each day that passed, I became more and more excited, thinking that I had found my purpose in life. However, the day it finally arrived; I was hit with a huge dose of reality. Things never go according to plan. Murphy’s Law: ‘Anything that can go wrong will go wrong’. I was about to have another experience with the fear of failure.